Hum Hum Hum. Hum Hum Hum. She sings to me. It’s a slow
rocking melody that lulls me into a sun-saturated sleep. We’re sitting out on the
deck looking at our house, our small beautiful house. I love how the red brick
looks at this time of day, all on fire and burning. Burning but never becoming
the remnants of a fire. Hum Hum Hum. I’ve always loved our house. Loved the way
that inside its protective outer layer it is cool and safe. I love our room too.
Others say its cramped, tiny, not enough, but I love the intimacy. I like
coming home in the late afternoon to find her cooking some new recipe she just
heard about. Grating turmeric and ginger into a pan while infusing cucumber
into cold delicious yogurt. Hum Hum Hum. I love that we eat on cushions outside,
listening to all things with wings and talking about the colors of the bleeding
sky. But I love our house at night the most. When the white lights come out and
float above us, just far enough out of our reach. When I look at them they seem
so knowledgeable and full. Hum Hum Hum. She and I, we lay out on blankets and
scarves in the warm night air and talk about everything, things that matter,
and things that don’t matter at all. I love our house.
I liked the way your piece was easy to visualize. Your descriptive details allowed me to actually imagine the house.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line was, "But I love our house at night the most. When the white lights come out and float above us, just far enough out of our reach."
0.o
I love the imagery created here by Savita, very effective.
ReplyDeleteSavita, I liked learning about your house! I thought it was neat how I couldn't figure out which prompt you were responding to. I thought the hums were a little distracting and I didn't understand what the sound meant.
ReplyDeleteI liked the images in your story. It has a really nice atmosohere.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the descriptions! Good story
ReplyDeleteI love how after each thought you had the line "hum hum hum". It really tied each thought together instead of just making the story sound more like a list. The line, Other say its cramped, tiny, not enough, but I love the intimacy" was my favorite line! You have an amazing writing technique.
ReplyDeleteI like how you incorporated the romance of the significant other with the love of the house. Great detail!
ReplyDeleteThe piece feels homey and comforting. I really like the imagery created and the overall feeling of it.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your piece because i could picture the house and i felt your descriptions almost let me help you grate the turmeric. It is very nicely written. I think it is at the perfect length as well, like it flowed nicely and stopped and started at a good place!
ReplyDeletebeautiful image. the repetition of sound is a good device, it lulls like the image and leads the way well to peace. this reads like the introduction to a story, setting the scene, yet revealing a lot of the story that will happen, or at least sets up a lot of the emotion that might follow.
ReplyDelete